September 10, 2020
It's not you; you're still amazing!
Relationships will end for so many different reasons. In most cases we are aware of an obvious reason from either one side or both parties. Sometimes people just stop communicating, stop spending quality time together and quite frankly don't put the effort in that close relationships require to work well.
It can be hardest to deal with emotionally and mentally though, when a break up is really sudden, unexpected or even traumatic. The most important thing to realise right away is that when someone treats you badly it is more a reflection on them rather than you as a person.
If you've been talking to someone online or on the phone and they suddenly 'ghost' you, or you are in an intimate relationship and they end things really abruptly (so that you literally feel abandoned), it can be quite a traumatic experience to recover from. Make sure you give yourself time to heal and it may help to talk things through with someone.
You might even feel embarrassed at first, that you have put your trust in someone and believed they cared as much as you did, or that you 'let your guard down' again only to be made 'to look a fool'. It is really natural and common to feel this way but in reality those around you don't really see it that way and they just want to help you pick up the pieces and realise again just how great you are! Don't close yourself off, let your friends rally around you.
We can go through all kinds of thoughts, particularly focusing around the idea that there must be something wrong with us personally. If a partner 'cheats' on you, it is so easy to start believing that you must be unattractive for example. This is where you must literally stop yourself in your tracks and turn your thoughts into more positive ones (perhaps through using affirmations or listening to motivational speakers). This may take some time but you'll get there. Deep down I'm sure you know that the right person would love you for exactly who you are anyway!
Often people end relationships because they are literally scared when the feelings get too intense or they have been hurt before themselves, so they think it will be easier if they keep people at arms length or perhaps end things so that it doesn't happen the other way around. This is more often the case when people haven't done the 'work' on themselves to process the past or find tools to 'let go' (see.. Moving on and letting go).
It is important to try to find some kind of closure or way to stop you internalising how you feel; even if you are no longer able to communicate with the actual person. This could mean releasing your emotions rather than holding them in, talking it through with a friend or writing about how you feel.
The next step is to work towards regaining your self esteem and actually being in a place of self love too. This is important so that you are not constantly seeking external validation from others about whether you are good enough. Look out for future posts on increasing self esteem and loving who you are!
Let me tell you now though that you are simply amazing, unique, special and loved. When you actually realise that yourself and fully believe it, you will naturally attract all of the right people and circumstances into your life. Keep being you!