Updated: Sep 30, 2020
It's a simple fact that if you don't begin to accept yourself, show yourself love and respect and realise you are actually already 'whole'; you will continue to find it very difficult to have balanced, successful and long lasting relationships. This is in no way judgemental to anyone, as I actually speak from my own experiences, mistakes and learning. However, there are no regrets at all as it has made me who I am now.
Often people look for a partner as they are feeling 'empty' inside, unloved, unlovable or something is simply missing from their life. The most surprising thing though is, that we actually all have the love we need within us already, to be complete and strong in ourselves. Each of us can actually find 'divine perfect love' and peace at our core. However, this is not necessarily easy to achieve.
Most of us close off to love from all sources when we feel hurt by others or situations. We naturally put a 'wall' up. It can be very difficult to feel any warmth or actual love in the heart centre after this or allow yourself to be fully open to giving and receiving love of any kind if you do not fully process and heal from the 'pain' you felt.
When we do work through a journey of self discovery and personal healing; letting go of whatever does not serve us for example, this leads us further into unconditional love for ourselves and others. In turn, so much more in our lives comes into balance, attracting all that is in alignment with us (look out for more about unconditional love and acceptance in the future).
When we realise that we don't 'need' someone else in order to feel loved, we are less attracted to unhealthy, co-dependant relationships. It is much healthier and potentially more successful long term, if you are able to work towards feeling complete and at peace, without actually needing someone else to fulfil that need. It is far better to actually really want to be with someone for the right reasons, if and when that opportunity appears; than to feel hopeless, worthless and somehow lacking just because you are currently single.
Of course this definitely does not mean we don't need a partner or that they don't enrich our lives further and bring us more happiness. It simply means we no longer feel so 'desperate' to be loved and 'coupled up' for the sake of it. Instead it becomes a beautiful bonus and easily flowing process, to find a partner that fully accepts you for who you are and just seems to 'get you'.
Once you get to this point, you will very likely discover that you naturally attract those that are also looking for a healthier, more balanced relationship themselves. Ideally you would fully accept yourself and equally allow each other to be exactly who you are; growing independently but in alignment with each other and together. Two empowered people, can still feel even stronger in a balanced partnership and achieve a great deal both personally and professionally if they so wish.
When you take a step back; realise you are already amazing and loved just as you, feel happy with your life in general; taking positive action but surrendering to being fully open to whatever is right 'for your greatest good'; you could be pleasantly surprised by the situations and people that appear in your life!
It's also worth mentioning here, whatever you focus on most, you are likely to get even more of. So if you are constantly thinking and feeling lonely and desperate for a partner; with the law of attraction, you are in effect saying to the universe 'please bring me more of feeling like this'. It's time to stop the wallowing and moping right here and now! Focus on being a strong, happy individual... but fully open to receiving love and then watch this space.
If on reflection you realise that a past or recent relationship has really affected you emotionally, mentally and potentially your overall confidence and self esteem; please consider talking to someone you trust or booking some sessions of counselling through the local help pages.